Your Flavor of Stuck

From the moment you were born, you absorbed messages from your family, lineage, peers, environment, and society. These messages came in the form of:

• Words you heard: “Who do you think you are?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Women have to work twice as hard and make half the money.”
• Actions you witnessed: “Each time I speak up in class, I get punished.” “If I cry, my dad gets mad at my mom.”
• Stories you heard: “Mom was given away because she was deemed unworthy as a girl.” “My great-grandmother was married off against her will for a sum of money.”
• Beliefs that surrounded you: “You must work hard to succeed.” “You need a diploma to be recognized.”

Over the years, these messages became embedded in your subconscious. They shaped your beliefs, which in turn influenced your actions. Most of the time, you acted without questioning or consciously choosing your responses. Your choices impacted your body, your cells, and even the expression of your DNA. The consequences of your actions reinforced your beliefs, creating either a virtuous or toxic cycle.

Breaking Free Starts Here

I’ve been in your shoes, and I promise—change is possible.

The first step is identifying your Flavor(s) of Stuck—perfectionism, procrastination, depression, numbness, self-judgment, addiction, toxic relationships, anger… There’s no judgment.

List your most painful experiences. You can organize them chronologically or by the impact they had on you. Don't evaluate them as “big” or “small.” A seemingly minor event can be just as traumatic as something society deems catastrophic.

For example, Suzy’s struggle to speak up stemmed not from her father’s tragic suicide but from her brother bullying her by pulling the heads off her Barbie dolls.

Once you’ve listed these painful moments, reflect on how you reacted to them—both then and now.

• Do you stay silent, crying in bed?

• Do you scream and break things?

• Do you isolate yourself, or do you seek attention?

Your Flavor of Stuck is uniquely yours. It doesn’t have to make sense to others, and it may even seem counterintuitive.

What Do You Gain from Staying Stuck?

Every coping mechanism serves a purpose, even if it also holds you back:

• Isolation or depression can create a sense of safety.

• Trying to “fix” everything can give you a sense of control.

• Anger often leads to action.

• Self-judgment can reinforce what others have told you.

But these “gains” are double-edged swords:

• The safety of isolation can lead to procrastination and inaction.

• The need for control can turn into perfectionism, decision paralysis, and self-judgment—since there’s rarely a “perfect” solution.

• The humor you used as a child to diffuse tension may now manifest as people-pleasing.

Recognizing these patterns is the key to transformation. Once you see them, you can begin to break free.